This is the one... Part 1

Hello My Soldierettes, this is the original post I have wanted to post, but I had to take a break and I apologize. I know some of you have been waiting for this. It is in two parts because it is SO long!

Every relationship takes work and so many other characteristics but a military relationship is a lot harder because they entail a lot more work. These are some of the characteristics a military couple should have to help the relationship run smoother in my eyes;

• Dedication- Couples have to be dedicated to be in a relationship. Thinking about the dedication it takes to be in a relationship before getting into one is wise. A Military relationship is different than just any regular one or normal one I should say, and both individuals have to be dedicated to the life before entering into it together. Dedication means work and commitment on being able to take the chances and keeping the relationship good. Knowing each other’s dedication to the relationship can make things easier with all other characteristics that follow. Not giving up is dedication. Soldierettes back home need the dedication of the soldier while he is gone, they need to see somehow that the soldier is dedicated to working it out while away. Just by simply staying in the relationship does not mean one is dedicated. It’s actually working to STAY in it and be happy at the same time.  
• Have faith- There are two types of faith
• 1 is having faith in your significant other, having faith in the relationship and having faith in yourself. Trust and confidence.
• Knowing that the other person in the relationship will do what it takes to keep the relationship going,
•  Knowing that the relationship will keep going so long as you know YOU will help make the relationship go smooth by having faith in yourself.
• Having faith that your relationship can overcome any obstacles. This ties in to Dedication and other characteristics like, determination, optimism, motivation, and trust. I think this is a crucial one because if you don't have faith in a person, or in the relationship then your relationship may not have all these other characteristics.
• Then there is faith in a higher power, no matter whom or what it is. You may not need this but to me it helps a lot. Some soldiers and families speak to a higher power who they feel watches over them, cares for them, keeps them safe, listens to them and gives them strength they need. For some, being religious can make or break the relationship but I think just believing in a higher power is a step in the right direction for the relationship and the individual themselves. Heck, some soldiers are able to go through war just believing in that higher power and to be honest I feel better knowing that I have a higher power watching over my soldier and keep me calm.
• Determination- I know when I am determined to get something done or do something I go for it 100%. I give it my all without giving up until I get it. Both have to really want the relationship to work because with determination comes work and dedication. Being determined means wanting something so bad that you work hard and don't give up and all the work is worth it for you. It is like your running and life throws fire balls at you and some you are able to dodge because you learned how to from your hard work, then there are some that may hit you; they hurt you but you pick yourself back up and you go, you keep going but you go stronger. You’re unstoppable, you’re determined to get what you worked for and want and you get it. BUT both have to be determined to want the relationship to work or else it just can’t work.  
• Optimism- To be optimistic is to be hopeful about the future in a positive way all along the way. Knowing that things will work out regardless of all those balls of fire that are thrown your way. Not giving up hope and keeping that faith in the relationship, in your significant other and in yourself. Knowing you can do this and can keep doing what you’re doing when times get tough. Telling yourself it is all worth it. In military relationships things are always subject to change and every time they do change it can bring the relationship and family down, but staying optimistic about it can help maintain spirits up through the change making it a lot easier for everyone.
• Motivation- Having motivation in life is simple enough to move on. Motivation in a relationship is not much, but in a military relationship it makes a difference. Times are tough; when the soldier is away they need motivation to keep going. Soldierettes back home also need to stay motivated to keep moving forward and live life while their soldier is away, not having them just moap around doing nothing and being miserable. Now being a motivation to each other is an extra bonus. Motivation can lift spirits and help with the tough times when they come your way.
• Being open/being able to communicate- Being open is crucial in a relationship and especially in a military one. In order to gain trust you have to be open and communicate a lot. From then on being able to open up about everything and anything is simple. I once was in a relationship where if I was to say my ex emailed me I would have gotten beat with no fault to me, that made me keep a lot from him,  this time I can tell my soldier anything because we are open and we talk about the situation and how to handle it. Don't keep any rising issues inside talk about them and figure them out together. Communication is key, as they say, and trust me it is. Military personnel sometimes have a hard time opening up but this is when we have to let them know we are trust-worthy and we are not judgmental and can be there for them. We as soldierettes want our soldiers to open up because we know they sometimes hurt inside, we have to give them time though, but they will come around, don't give up.
• Flexibility- In the military life you have to be flexible because like my soldier tells me everything is always subject to change. You have to have a plan A, B, C, D, E and F. Be prepared to move from one situation to the next.
• Strong- Military relationships can be so complex. It’s a whirlwind of emotions and changes and lack of communication etc. WE soldierrettes and our soldiers HAVE to be strong in every single way. Mentally, physically, emotionally, financially, even sexually. It takes a lot of time to get to this place but it can be done. We have to be strong for our soldier who is away they don't want to see us weak minded and miserable. They want to see that we are holding it down for when they come home and while they are away. We also want to see that in our soldiers. Know that they can handle being away, can handle their duties and can handle leaving their soldierettes back home. Women are emotional human beings by nature but we have to learn how to be Strong on those emotions. The weakness can harm you, the relationship and the soldier as well as family around. Remember all these characteristics and you can gain that strength. I had written about being Army strong and that stands. It’s very hard to do in a military relationship but it is a must. Be strong for the family around you, prepare them to be strong. It is work but if you’re serious about the relationship it comes to be a natural way of being after a while. Not saying keep your tears in and have no emotions, just saying find a way to let it out correctly at the right time and place. We all cry heck I am a cry baby for good or bad things but I had to learn when not to cry and how I can make it so that I don't cry so much on the bad things. (Hope it wasn't too confusing).
• Faithful/loyal- To be faithful and loyal, well if you have no problem being faithful and loyal like me because it is so easy then you have it, but if you think you can’t be loyal and faithful then every other characteristic goes down the drain. You know yourself, if you have it in you or you don't. Clearly if you don't there is a problem there. Let’s face it being away from your significant other is hard, you can come across temptations along the way. This is where being loyal to your partner comes in. Nothing is worth losing a relationship you have worked so hard for. You have to think about these situations beforehand. I have been working on this post for the past two weeks and just yesterday I saw a movie (Tyler Perry's Temptation) great movie it basically sums everything up. Watch it when you have time. Don't let another person you don't know fool you when the person you do know and have worked to get to know is already yours. Stop it before it gets that far, at the end you will lose everything. If you are missing the spark that you once had with your significant other communicate it to each other let it be known and work at it. Listen to each other’s wants and needs. Military relationships can go through this simply because one person is far away. It is important to still have time to show and tell each other that we are still interested, in love with each other, aroused by one another, attracted to each other etc...There are many ways to show this! Trust me!!
• What if your spouse god forbid got hurt and is disabled, and then what do you do? Knowing you can stay loyal and stay by his/her side confirms that the temptation is a bad seed and should remove yourself from that situation.
• Another version of this is staying loyal to your beliefs, many people have negative opinions on military people and military relationships but stick to your beliefs and be proud, stand up to them and stay loyal.

 

Stay tuned for part 2 really good characteristics....